Zen and the art of keeping patient in traffic jams

It is inevitable that most of our day will be spent sitting in a car waiting for the traffic to move. This would be absolutely fine if only I weren’t gripping the wheel in frustration, alternating between the clutch, brake and the laughing labelled ‘go-fast’ pedal, while at the same time peering in both mirrors to make sure some idiot doesn’t try to inch his vehicle in the just-formed miniscule gap.

I would like to sit in the backseat while catching up on my reading and the irritating radio jock would become a mild nuisance at the most. But I won’t trust my driver to get me home in the fastest possible time. If I did let him drive then sooner or later I will take over, it’s a guy thing and correlated to our excellent sense of road direction.

So after a long time I have developed a blissful version of Zen meant especially for the urban-but-more-resembling-rural roads of India.

Step 1: I sit back and resist the urge to overtake every possible car in sight. I remember that it is akin to dogs chasing cars.

Step 2: I resist the urge to exercise my in depth knowledge of vernacular curse words every time a wheezing taxi cab tries to cut me off. When it gets stuck in a traffic jam I will intelligently pass it by with a maniacal laugh.

Step 3: I practice my maniacal laugh in loud and various tones. When the traffic starts moving I find that I usually get the right of first passage. (It helps if you lower your window while practicing, you will find fewer cars trying to overtake you. Something to do with harnessing cosmic energies supposedly.)

Step 4: I clear my mind of evil thoughts towards all the carzy idiots driving alongside me. I patiently take down their numbers, especially company buses, and aid karma in its wonderful work by passing along the numbers to various agencies like RTO and company admins.

Step 5: I go home and scream into my pillow.

May Zen bring light and peace into your life as well. Remember it’s not the fish that counts but the strawberry in the field.